Online counselling · Aotearoa New Zealand
Most young people don’t arrive wanting to be in counselling, and that’s usually where the real work begins.
I’m Kirsty, a registered counsellor working online with teenagers, young adults and adults across New Zealand. I work relationally, which means the relationship between us isn’t what comes before the therapy. It is the therapy.
If you’re a parent
You’ve asked what’s wrong, and you’ve been told “I’m fine”
You can see that something has shifted, even if you’d struggle to say exactly what. They’re in their room more than they used to be, shorter with you than they used to be, and when something happens at school you hear about it sideways, weeks later.
You’ve tried asking, and you’ve tried not asking, and somewhere in between you’ve wondered whether turning this into A Thing might be what makes it worse.
And underneath it sits a question that’s genuinely hard to hold: if they won’t talk to you, why would they talk to a stranger?
They usually do, and a good deal faster than you’d expect.
That gap — between a young person who doesn’t want to be there and one who has started to let someone in — is the part of this work I’m best at. Five years in schools teaches you that there is nearly always a point of connection to be found, even with someone who has made it very clear they have no interest in being there. It’s often a game, or a sport, or a complaint about a teacher, and it’s rarely the thing you’d have guessed.
Honestly, the harder part is usually getting them to agree to that first session at all. Once they’re actually there, things tend to move.
How I work
The relationship is the therapy
That’s not a line I’ve put on a website because it sounds warm. It’s the actual mechanism. Person-centred counselling works because someone feels properly met, and young people are unusually good at telling the difference between an adult who is really listening and one who is waiting politely for their turn to give advice.
Which means a session can look, from the outside, like not very much is happening. That’s usually when it’s working. None of it is filler — it’s the foundation going in, and nothing useful gets built without it.
What I don’t do is hand out worksheets nobody asked for, or diagnose people, or arrive with a plan for someone’s life before I know them. I’m not a person who has everything worked out, and I’d be wary of any counsellor who told you they had.
What I’m good at is sitting with someone while they work out what’s going on — and then doing something with it. Most people arrive carrying more in their toolkit than they realise, so a fair part of the work is noticing what’s already there and what it’s genuinely useful for. After that we add to it: trying things, keeping what holds, letting go of what doesn’t, and building outwards from the strengths that already exist rather than from a list of what’s going wrong.
Who I work with
Young people mostly, and adults as well
Teenagers are where most of my experience sits and, honestly, where I do my best work. I see people from around eleven upwards, though that’s not a hard and fast rule. And often, when a young person is struggling, there’s a parent who needs somewhere to put their own worry too.
Why online
It makes counselling easier to get to, without costing you the relationship
People often assume something is lost over a screen. In my experience it isn’t, and for teenagers especially it frequently makes the whole thing feel more possible.
- They’re in their own space, on their own ground, which changes the shape of it for an anxious young person.
- When a session has been hard, they can close the laptop and stay where they are, rather than walking back out into a corridor or getting into the car.
- No waiting room, no missing class, and nobody has to drive anywhere.
It also means I can work with people anywhere in the country, including places where there’s one counsellor and a long wait.
Starting
What actually happens
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You get in touch
Parent or young person, either is fine. A few words is plenty, and you don’t need to set the whole thing out in a form.
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A free 15-minute call
My preference is to do this with you and your young person together, so that nobody is being discussed behind their back and they get some sense of me before anything is decided. A chance to tell me what’s been going on, and to hear whether I sound like someone they could talk to.
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A first session
An hour, and all they have to do is show up. Making that first session the start of something is my job rather than theirs — so if they’d rather not say much, that’s a normal place to begin and I won’t make anything of it.
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You decide whether to carry on
Some people come a handful of times and some stay for a year. There’s no minimum commitment, and I won’t chase anyone who decides it isn’t for them.
The questions parents ask
Straight answers
Will you tell me what my child says?
Generally, no, and I know that’s the hardest part to accept. What a young person brings to a session stays with me, and you won’t get a summary afterwards.
The exception is safety. Where there is a risk to a young person — and that includes thoughts of suicide and any self-harm — I will share it with a safe adult. I’ll always talk with them first, so they know that a safety concern has come up, what I’m going to do about it, and who I’ll be speaking to. Nothing happens behind their back.
Outside of safety and risk, what’s said in a session stays there.
It’s worth understanding why it works this way round. A young person who suspects their words will be repeated over dinner tells their counsellor nothing at all. The privacy isn’t me keeping you at arm’s length — it’s what makes the work possible.
And confidentiality isn’t the same thing as keeping people apart. I’m always mindful of the relationships that matter to a young person, and a good deal of the work is about shoring those up. What I’m generally working towards is them reaching a point where they feel able to share things themselves, with the people in their life, when they’re ready to. That’s something I actively encourage rather than something I hold them back from.
My child says they don’t want to.
That’s the ordinary starting point rather than a sign it won’t work, and almost nobody arrives keen.
What tends to help is framing it as something that belongs to them rather than something being done to them — a space that’s theirs, with someone who isn’t going to report back. What tends to backfire is when it arrives looking like a consequence.
You’re also welcome to have the first call yourself and decide from there, and plenty of parents do exactly that.
Don’t they already have a counsellor at school?
Sometimes they do, and school counsellors do good work in difficult conditions. But they’re usually carrying an entire school between one or two of them, which means a limited number of sessions and long gaps in between.
There’s also the visibility problem, which I don’t think gets talked about enough. Being seen walking into the counsellor’s office at lunchtime is a real barrier for a lot of teenagers, and it quietly stops some of them going at all.
Do you work with younger children?
I see young people from around eleven, though that’s not a hard and fast rule — it depends far more on the young person than on the number, so do ask if you’re not sure where yours sits.
Below that, children generally do better with someone trained specifically in that work, often through play rather than talking. If your child is younger and you’re not sure where to start, get in touch anyway and I’ll point you towards someone better placed than me.
What does it cost?
$120 for a one-hour session. The first 15-minute call is free, and there’s no charge for it whether or not you decide to go ahead.
Do you need my consent?
Yes. For anyone under 18 I ask a parent or guardian to be involved from the start and to consent before we begin. That’s a little more than the law strictly requires — from 16 a young person can consent to their own care — but it’s how I choose to work, largely because it means there’s an adult who knows what’s happening and can support things at home.
Working online makes it matter more, too. I need to know where your young person is during a session, and to have someone I can contact if a safety concern comes up.
If you’re separated or share guardianship, do let me know early so we can work out who needs to be involved before we start rather than afterwards.
And if you’re under 18 and looking for a counsellor yourself: you’re very welcome to get in touch, though I will need a parent or guardian on board before we begin. If that isn’t possible right now, Youthline on 0800 376 633 or text 234 is free and you can use it without anyone else being involved.
What are your qualifications?
I hold a Master of Counselling and a Postgraduate Diploma in Education and Guidance Counselling, and I’m a registered member of the New Zealand Association of Counsellors. That means I work to the NZAC Code of Ethics, I’m in regular professional supervision, and there’s an independent body you can take a concern to if you need one.
Who you’d be talking to
I’m Kirsty
I spent five years as a counsellor in two New Zealand high schools, and a few days holding the fort at a third when it was suddenly without any counselling staff. That’s given me a fairly reliable sense of what a school day feels like from the inside, and of what it’s like to be the young person everybody assumes is fine.
I work in a person-centred, relational way, which in plain terms means I don’t believe I’m the expert on anybody’s life except my own. Most people, and young people especially, already know more about what they need than they get credit for. My job is to be someone worth telling.
I’m a parent as well, and I’m not going to pretend I’ve got that part sorted either.
Get in touch
You don’t need to have the words ready
Three fields, and not one of them asks you to explain yourself. The rest can wait until we’re talking.
Or if you’d rather just email, I’m at quietmind.withkirsty@gmail.com.
I reply within one working day. If things feel urgent, please use one of the numbers below rather than waiting on me.
Right now
If you need someone tonight, please don’t wait for me
If you, or someone close to you, needs emergency support or is unsafe, please contact one of the numbers below.
- 1737, Need to TalkFree call or text, 24 hours.1737
- YouthlineFree call 24 hours, or text 234.0800 376 633
- What’s UpFree counselling for ages 5–18, 11am–11pm daily.0800 942 8787
- EmergencyIf you or someone else is in immediate danger.111